The Dentist and the talking Ducks

I had a Dentist appointment today. Like most of the people on the planet, I don't find going to the Dentist a pleasant experience. Luckily, today was a routine cleaning and a fitting for crown on a root canal I had a few months ago. The fitting couldn't be that bad, right?

The cleaning went as planned. I had the usual muffled conversation with the hygienists. It is amazing they can understand the gibberish we speak when their hands are stuffed into our mouths. At the end of the cleaning, the DDS will make a brief appearance to check things out. He is nice guy with a great sense of humor. After checking me out, he instructs to move to another room so we can start the crown work. He ask if I wanted some gas to relax. I quickly ask, "Are we doing something that I would need gas"? He laughs, says no, and says he just wants me to be relaxed. I believe him and head for the next room.

I settle into the chair and promptly accept the gas. I must admit, I love the gas! After a few minutes the DDS and his assistant show up. The first thing he does is crank up the gas. I find this odd, but dismiss it as he changes the subject to more humor. He is a duck hunter and has a few pictures of ducks on the ceiling. He ask me to let him know if the water in the duck pond starts moving or if the ducks start talking to me.

The gas has started to kick in and I am feeling pretty good. I start to see two sets of hands hovering above my mouth. Looks like they are about to get busy. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the big needle used to numb your mouth. Wait a minute, what are we doing that requires this much gas and a needle. My fear increases as I see a second and third needle enter my mouth. He turns up the gas and they leave the room.

I am very high at this point and half of my face is numb. The return and start to go to work. I have learned how to zone out and not think about what they are doing. I stare at the duck pictures and notice the water is moving. Should I report this to him? Heck no, I don't want to take any chances of feeling pain. More time passes and I see one of the ducks head move toward me. This is kind of freaky, but I am not about to say anything that will get my gas turned down. I am suddenly hearing other voices above me. You have to be kidding, the duck is talking to me.

"You missed your run yesterday and you have only swam once this week".

I am not going to talk to this duck. Who does he think he is, my trainer?

"If you don't run on Thursday, your legs are going to hurt as bad as they did last weekend."

I know, I know, I will run tomorrow. I can't believe I am talking to the duck.

"You ate Ice Cream yesterday and have only lost 2 lbs this month. You are behind schedule."

Hey, I am getting back on track, ease up. I just started training again.

"You do realize you have an Ironman in 7 months. You can't train like last year and finish."

That's it, I am through talking to you. I am closing my eyes and you will go away.

After an hour of construction, they release me. I am no longer high, but I feel like I have a slight hangover. Half of my face is still numb, so lunch should be fun. Maybe I should use the numbness as an excuse not to eat. After all, the duck is right about everything.